What Being in an Age Gap Relationship is Really Like
Step into my world…
Each relationship is a world of its own, but some are still more unique than others. As the title suggests, I am referring to age gap relationships, the kind of coupling that I’ve always been curious about, especially now that I am in one.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months now, which you might think is short, but if you’d seen everything we’ve been through and talked about thus far and the way we connect and interact with each other, you would think we’ve been together for years. I am still learning, though, as this is my first proper age gap relationship. I may not know a lot, but I still want to share my observations thus far.
Perhaps it’ll give some guidance to those who wish to pursue or are currently in an age gap relationship. I also hope you’ll be able to relate, enjoy and that my words will make you feel all warm and cozy.
Starting with the basics
I won’t share too much, because I like to keep some things private and also because I don’t want this to be about what has happened, but more so about what is happening right now and what I’m feeling/thinking/what I’ve noticed, so I’ll just give you a brief outline of our story, just to help you understand the situation.
My boyfriend is 49 and I am 27. We met online when I reached out to him to do an interview with him about his art early this year. Neither of us expected anything to develop between us, but we slowly started growing closer and closer to each other. What started as an interview and following each other on social media and talking occasionally, turned into talking all day every day about everything under the sun, having an intense emotional, intellectual and sexual attraction, and eventually meeting each other this summer.
He’s English, and I am Montenegrin, but I am living in Belgrade, Serbia, and that’s probably the only element that makes our relationship difficult.
Expect the unexpected
Even if you don’t think you could be attracted to person who is significantly older than you or want to be in an age gap relationship, you may still find yourself changing your mind if you fall in love with the right person. I find that it’s less about the age and more about how you feel and communicate with each other.
Of course, there will be differences, challenges to overcome and day-to-day things to get used to, but I don’t think age plays a part in that. I think that’s the case in all relationships, especially heterosexual ones, because men and women tend to be quite opposite in a lot of ways.
For instance, if you were to ask me how I feel about my partner and whether I notice our age gap, I would honestly say no. Yes, I see it. I notice that he’s older and that I’m younger, but that’s about it. Our personalities are very nicely aligned and we get along well. There are some things that happened before my time that he teaches me about and there are also some things that are important to my generation that I am able to introduce to him, so in that regard we are able to spot our differences and use them to our advantage.
I truly believe that we have no say in who we fall in love with, so if you happen to fall for somebody much older or younger, you just have to embrace it and see where it goes. Don’t stand in your own way because maybe that’s not something you expected or planned. Love is the greatest gift you will ever receive in whatever form it takes.
Maturity
This one may be the obvious one, but it could also be a misconception. Don’t expect somebody to be mature and have everything figured out just because they’re of a certain age. However, in my experience I found that older men are more mature and emotionally intelligent than the younger men I’ve been with.
Older men have always treated me better. My current partner is incredibly considerate. He is really patient and open with me. He communicates properly and actually listens and understands my needs. I don’t know if that’s because of his age or simply his personality, but he definitely knows what to do and what not to do.
It all tastes the same in the dark
I’m not going to lie, sex made me a bit worried initially because I kept hearing about how men’s desire or ability to have sex plummets when they reach a certain age, and that may be true to some degree, but it won’t be an issue as long as you communicate effectively and listen to each other’s wants and needs.
Sex is an important part of most relationships. It helps us feel connected with our partner in the most intimate and natural way. Now, when I use the word ‘sex’ I don’t necessarily mean penetrative sex, but every single sexual activity you can think of. As long as you are touching each other, kissing, holding each other close, falling asleep with your chest pressed against theirs, listening to the sound of their heart beat, then you’re on the right path.
Your libidos may be different depending on your age. The younger person may be more libidinous, and the older may not feel the desire to engage in the activity as often, but it all depends on who they are as people and what their preferences are. You can’t solely base it on age.
One thing that surprised me is how normal sleeping with an older man felt. I thought it would feel vastly different than sleeping with a younger man, but it really didn’t. It all tastes the same in the dark, and I say that in the best way possible. Making love to him felt amazing. I loved feeling his strong but soft body against me. I loved the way he moved and the things he said. I felt safe and loved like never before.
Reactions
When speaking of how our relationship appears to the outside world and the reactions we’ve received, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. Yes, there were was initial shock on some faces, but nearly all of them were able to forget about our age gap when they saw us interact with each other.
My family is fine with it and so is his. My best friend had some reservations initially, but she warmed up to the idea when she saw how happy we were. The rest of our friends and acquaintances embraced our coupling quite well, too.
It really wasn’t as dramatic as I thought it would be. I thought I would have to argue and cut people out of my life, but that wasn’t the case. Everybody was just lovely and welcoming towards our relationship.
I think that’s also due to the fact that I am very mature and that, despite my baby face, I am a grown woman, about to turn 30 in three years time, so I am not this young and impressionable girl likely to fall under the influence of the older man. Our power dynamic is almost evenly aligned.
Closing remarks
At the end of the day, I would have to say that this is by far the best and most loving relationship I’ve ever been in. Age is a factor, for sure, but it’s not the most important part. It’s who we are as people that makes us feel connected to each other. It’s all about the way we communicate, love, and respect each other.
We are different, yet the same, in every aspect of our being, and I find that to be so beautiful. There’s so much we can learn from each other. There’s infinite space for growth. I am in love with everything this man brings into my life, and I just hope I am able to do the same for him.
Being in an age gap relationship taught me that, as cliche as it sounds, age is just a number and that love has no boundaries. If you want to love, love immediately, love fearlessly, with every morsel of your being. That is the only way to feel truly alive.
