I Watched ‘Call Me By Your Name’ Again, and I Have Some Thoughts
Time is a thief…
If you were to ask me what my favorite movie of all time was, my answer would undoubtedly be “Call Me By Your Name”, especially back in 2017/2018 when there was at its peak in terms of popularity.
“Call Me By Your Name” stayed in my mind for years and years, even though I only watched it once, until recently. Part of me wanted to leave the memory of my first time watching it intact, and another part wanted to shield myself from going through the same hearbreak twice, or worse- changing my opinion of it for the worse, so I avoided it for as long as I possibly could.
However, there was this gnawing inside of me, begging me dive deep into one of the most beautiful cinematic universes ever created again, one that I put on the highest pedestal and expected it to stay put enternally. It was quite literally my “Roman Empire”, as the kids would say. Therefore, I knew I had to give in and allow myself to experience it again after six long years of romantic deprivation.
The drama of it all
I will write about my experience after watching it for the second time, but first I need to brush over who I was and how I felt during that time because that will really put things in perspective. It will explain just how much our cirumstances shape our viewing experience.
Starting off, I have to say that I have always been a very emotional person. I cry easily and feel incredibly deeply. I would go as far as to call myself an empath because I am able to experience and empathize with people I’ve never met, situations I’ve never experienced and feelings I’ve never felt. Love and romance flow through my entire being. To remove one or both would mean mutilating my soul, killing my “joie de vivre”.
In knowing that, you would think I would jump on the badwagon as soon as the movie was released in 2017. But I didn’t. I waited for a year and watched it next summer. I may be a romantic, but I am also the kind of person who doesn’t necessarily like to follow the crowd. I decided to wait a bit because I didn’t feel like watching it right away, but also perhaps I was going through some tiny heartbreaks and other changes life had thrown my way.
It was the middle of the summer of 2018 (I was 22) when I finally decided to watch it. I was alone in my bedroom, lying on my bed with my laptop and completely immersing myself into the poignantly beautiful world of “Call Me By Your Name”. I felt like the world around me had warped into notingness; the only reality that existed during those 132 minutes was the one on the screen. I was completely and utterly immersed into each character’s experience as if it was my own. That was something I hadn’t experienced prior to seeing this movie.
Because I was heartbroken just months before seeing “Call Me By Your Name” relating to that area of love was close to my heart and it was very easy for me to relate to the character of Elio, especially. I was also going through this phase where I equated love with pain and found some kind of morbid adoration for emotional pain. I thought that to be in love you ought to suffer, hence why I saw the overwhelming pain in this movie as strikingly beautiful.
Apart from that, I thought the cinematography was flawless, the actors were brilliant, and that the storyline was engaging. It was a major win for me in all aspects, and I felt even more mind-blown after reading the book, though I enjoyed the movie better, because I like watching better than reading, which is not something you’d assume about me, giving the fact that I love writing. It just difficult for me to focus, and reading takes a lot longer than watching. I like to absorb the story as quickly as possible and move on to something else.
Going back to my life after watching “Call Me By Your Name”, I was utterly mesmerised by the entire picture, so much so that it became a huge part of my identity. I was heartbroken by it, too, but still craved that kind of connection in my life, because I didn’t know any better at the time. I was in love with the drama of it all.
Never meet your heros…again
As the years went by, I kept thinking about the movie and returning to my favorite quotes and applying them to my own life. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find the time to read the book again, but I knew I would watch the picture. I just didn’t know when.
As much as I loved every second of it, the truth of the matter was- it broke me. I remember sobbing like a baby after watching the movie, and experiencing a more intense version of the same pain after reading the book. Bracing myself for the heartbreak I barely healed from was far from easy. It took about six years for me to finally decide to give it another go.
I was once again in my bedroom with a laptop, only this time it was a cold December evening of 2023. Looking back, summer-ridden nostalgia must’ve pushed me down that road, so I cuddled up and pressed play.
Again, everything was very aesthetically pleasing and the actors were very handsome and talented, but I just felt like the story felt off. The conversations were bland and lacking in substance, and the emotions were superficial.
You could see that these two characters had a lot in common, but you couldn’t hear it from them. They barely talked to each other, let alone had deep, intellectual conversations, something you’d expect, giving the fact that both are artistically inclined, and that Elio is a polyglot.
The only thing that was aboundantly clear was that they were supremely physically attracted to each other. It was almost as if there was nothing there other than blind lust, which is fine, do not get me wrong, but then it shouldn’t have been marketed as a love story. To me, personally, it felt more physical and less emotional and intellectual.
Watching it the second time, I kept asking myself why I thought of this movie as this grandiose love story, one that I should aspire to, when in reality it was more about a fleeting connection and an intense sexual tension- a mere fling, if you will.
Again, I am not trying to undermine its significance or beauty. I am just saying that this to me didn’t feel like a love story because lots of things didn’t add up. For instance, Elio was younger than Oliver, and was still exploring his sexuality. He might’ve had a clue and had developed a crush on Oliver, but he wasn’t sure who he was, yet. That’s why I believe he wasn’t truly in love. I believe that was his summer of experimentation.
Oliver, on the other hand, was a bit older and wiser, which made their power dynamic quite unfairly disbalanced. It felt like Oliver was a bit controlling at times and Elio just went along with it because he desperately wanted to keep somebody as magnificent as Oliver by his side.
Also, you could barely see that they were in love. There was no blushing and hardly any smiling. Yes, I understand it was a different time (it was set in the early ‘80s), and people had to keep their feelings under wraps, but still. I felt like there could’ve been more obvious signs of romance on their faces, or in the way they behaved. You couldn’t see much change in their interractions with other members of the community after they became “a thing”.
I mentioned above that I thought the movie was better than the book, but now I have to stand corrected because I think the book provides a wider insight into the story. I will stick by the fact that there could’ve been more back and forth between Oliver and Elio, even in the book format, though. From what I can remember the descriptions, conversations and feelings were mostly internalised inside Elio’s heart and mind.
Where does this leaves us?
At the end of this lenghty criticism of my former favorite movie you might be wondering- Why had my opinion changed so drastically after all? Why do I no longer feel warm-hearted towards one of the most brilliant and critcally acclaimed cinematic achievements in recent history?
To be honest, I still have a soft spot for the movie. It makes me feel nostalgic about that time of my life, no matter how little I knew of what truly mattered and how skewed my perception of love was. I feel like I was softer and gentler back then. I was able to access my emotions in a more innocent and naive way.
Life had hardened me since then. I am still very much a tender-hearted romantic who still cries easily and often, but I now have a more realistic view of the world. My romantic experiences have taught me to keep my expectations at bay. I learned not to trust too quickly, nor fantasize about things that could not be. I now know that people who are meant for me do not run away.
This brings me to my next point- I now know what true love is. I know what it feels like to love with your whole being and to give yourself fully to another person, and to receive the same love back. I know that love isn’t a just a feeling, it’s a hunch at first that later develops into a series of decisions, a lifetime of decisions.
You make up your mind to stay even when it’s hard, even when all the odds are stacked against you because love isn’t a choice. Love is beautiful, but uncomfortable because it changes you; it requires total abandonment; it requires trust and strenght and sacrifice. To quote “Fleebag”: “Love isn’t something that weak people do.”
For that reason alone, I lost a bit of respect towards the main characters because they didn’t put up a fight. They simply decided to quit on their so-called love, which is another reason why I don’t think they actually wanted to be together or loved each other properly. It was as though they didn’t even want to try to make it work. It seemed like it was easier to wallow in despair, rather than to try and fail for a worthy cause.
To conclude this incredibly long-winded opinion piece, I want to state that “Call Me By Your Name” deserves the hype and praise, regardless of everything I mentioned above. You should definitely watch it if you haven’t already, but just be mindful of the fact that your current state of mind might alter your viewing experience, so my advice to you would be to release all expectations and just take it for what it is. Try not to project yourself onto the picture, but instead enjoy and breathe in the fanciful universe that is “Call Me By Your Name”.
